The One I Miss

Christmas Eve is drawing ever so close. As my brother, William, and I would call today--Christmas Eve Eve. It made it felt like the big day was just around the corner. As an adult, it usually means last minute shopping, wrapping, cleaning, etc. But as a child we would carefully remove a candy cane from our countdown to Christmas Day and the excitement would build. To the point I am sure we were wild.

Christmas Eve was always such a special day. My father's mother would join us in the festivities. Nana was how she was know to us. Nana lived in Montgomery and was only a 10-minute drive away but she would stay with us overnight to share in the excitement of a VERY early Christmas morning. Nana was an elegant, soft spoken woman who you would never want to disappoint. She would come check us out of school if our "toe" hurt as she knew we just needed a little Nana TLC, some fast food and some afternoon time together. It was a sure fire remedy.

Every Christmas Eve Nana would join us at our church Christmas Eve candlelight service. We would pick her up on the way and we got to see her Nativity scene setup in the foyer one last time for the season. Off we were to church, and then to 5769 Carriage Barn Lane. A 1800-sq-ft house that felt so large with play space, warmth and love. Nana "got" to sleep in my bed with me each Christmas Eve night. We would play music on my radio, she would tell stories of growing up as a child and we would just "talk." As Christmas morning approached and the clock struck a ridiculous hour (5am), she would talk my mother into letting us descend upon the living room to see the madness. We would wait patiently in the hallway for mom to get the camera ready before we could come see the abundance. She delighted in seeing our gifts and often would proclaim, "what will they think of next!"

Nana passed away my junior year in college. Her health had been failing for years but despite the mental preparation we all had, it was a tough loss. Christmas Eve was "our time" year after year. A time I had counted on. As I sing "Away in a Manger" and get to the verse of "Be Near Me Lord Jesus I ask Thee to Stay, Close by men forever and Love Thee I pray. Bless all the dear children in thy tender care, and fit us for heaven to live with the there" I can't seem to make it through without tears. The sanctuary is beautifully dark with only the glow of candles in every hand. I have to believe she is still with me not only on Christmas Eve, but daily. She would always point out red birds in her back yard and I have noticed when having rough times, I see red birds and I know she is with me comforting me like she always did.

She is missed so very much this time of year. It is always a beautiful time with special people but will never be the same.